Don’t Be A Tortle, Using TTRPGS To Come Out Of Your Shell

“Stop hitting yourself." -The Barbarian 

This article is for all my introverts out there adventuring in this wild world. It is a letter to the past me and anyone who struggles to engage with those they can love for fear and anxiety in social situations. While staying in our shells and turtling up is easy, humans are, at our core, social animals with an innate need for community. Introverted individuals may not gain energy from interacting with others as those mythical extroverts may. However, we still have an intrinsic need for social acceptance and to feel the love of people. But going out also comes with draining social pressure and potential anxiety. So how can tabletop roleplaying games (TTRPGS) help alleviate those pain points? As a long-time dungeon master, lover of stories, and extreme introvert myself, here is how I have used gaming with my friends and even strangers to overcome those pressures and become a newer, better me. 

Practice Assertiveness

"Use your shell to tank, not to hide from others." -The Cleric

Being assertive as someone with an introverted mindset can seem like a contradiction, but some of the ways you can use it to your advantage and come out from under your rock include the following:

Follow Your Heart And Embrace The New

My first time DMing a game of DnD, I played it safe, and the session was a disaster. When I tried playing, I sat at the back and supported in battle without engaging in the art of roleplay. Even now, social anxiety eats me up before a game, and I'd much rather be passive than an active participant because it's comfortable. Yet, when I did the scary thing and played a brash paladin for the first time and argued with a god, I found out who I was on the inside. 

While playing the human fighter is a safe choice, sometimes you need to branch out from what's comfortable and listen to that little voice in your head that screams to be a bard or warlock. Nothing is scarier than going out of your comfort zone and doing something new, but playing against type rather than what is easy is the first step to breaking out from the suffocated space of mundanity. So get out there, be brazen, play that devilish bard with a heart of gold, and find your genuine calling.

Trust In Your Voice

Ever since childhood, I struggled to feel I had a voice. I had convinced myself my words meant nothing and allowed the fear of further trauma to dictate my life. Yet, the more I've connected with others at the tabletop, the more I have learned that what I say and do carries weight and can change the world for the better, even in a small way. 

In writing and storytelling, the most distinctive feature of a creator is their voice. It's more than just speaking; it's about your rhetoric, how you present yourself, and the aura you put off to others. However, as introverts, no one will criticize your voice more harshly than you. So try to silence that critic and trust in your words and actions to take control of the narrative that is your life. Remember that TTRPGS are, at their core, a story we tell, and from them, we can practice rebuffing the inner critic while proving to ourselves we have worth in a controlled environment where we can schedule our practice sessions. It won't happen overnight, but the more you believe in your voice, the easier it will become.

Love Your Self To Love Others

While I may be a bard in real life, Delta Neomenia, the paladin, was my first character who taught me how to love who I am, and that came after nearly a decade of playing Dungeons and Dragons. He was a righteous warrior who lost his family just as he found purpose, saw his kingdom collapse, and witnessed himself fall, for his story began with a suicide attempt in which a stranger saved him. In a very real sense, Delta's story was my own, and I learned much about what life means to me from him as, throughout the game, I took the time to look back and what mattered most to us. I have experienced tremendous loss in my lifetime, watched what I held dear burn away due to my own weakness, and even attempted to take my own life on two separate occasions. Yet, like Delta at the end of his arc, I found a new family in my adventuring partners, made peace with myself, decided the world was my kingdom, and lived to save others from themselves when their worlds became darkened by a sense of failure and self-doubt.

Patience with those around you and, most importantly, with yourself is the key to finding love for who you are. Look at the world with more than just your eyes. Witness it with your soul and lay it all bare. While some may see your kingdom burned and your self-worth spurned, there is always another out there whose friendship is well-earned. TTRPGS are the perfect setting to find those who are like you and can pull you out of that darkness. But only by examing your character and loving them for who they are will you find the brightest light.

"You gotta believe in yourself because nothing is more splendid than the authentic you." -The Paladin

Embrace Your Compassion And Empathy 

"Empathy is the one thing I can't distill with alchemy." -The Artificer

While most of this article has been about coming out of our shells, there is one crucial aspect to RPGs that we can bring without changing who we are inside. Introverts, in general, are known for being good listeners, so embrace that. We can sit back, hear what others say, and don't need to steal the show for our self-fulfillment, so revel in that. 

Yet, we may not want to be empathetic or give others the time to have their own voice as we hide in the safety of our cozy, lonely place. DnD and other TTRPGS are, at their foundation, social games, which require a certain level of mutual understanding to be not just fun but impactful. If you are so in your own head that you can't hear what others mean beyond what they are saying, you are doing a disservice not just to the party but to yourself. So, try and practice using the natural listening skills you have to build a story worth telling. 

"The best characters are those with an arc. Only the warlock can see in the dark. Yet, from another, do his powers hark. How sad it is that he sold his soul to a shark. However, unlike him, you need not consort with demons to make your mark. It's the angels we surround ourselves with that help carry our spark. We have a dangerous journey ahead of us; thus, as a party, do we embark." - The Bard