Finding Vulnerability At The Tabletop
Vulnerability, honesty, and staying faithful to individuality are some of the most complex parts of getting the most out of life, even the fictional ones we have in TTRPGs. But why is it so hard? During my tenure as a DM, I've struggled to create invested NPCs because I couldn't allow them to be more than a mask. It was only when I gave a tiny part of my heart to my characters that I found being honest with myself made for a freeing escape from my personal anxiety and depression. However, even with practice, the mask would slip back on, and I'd step back, losing that feeling of openness and joy. It's only through patience, failure, and a whole lot of growth I have found out how to let that true self shine through, and it wouldn't have been possible without looking through the lens of a fictional character.
Sometimes You Have to Open the Door, Even If It's a Trap
You rolled a natural 20 to find traps on the door just before the big bad evil guy's lair. Yet, it's too complex to disarm and will likely wreck the party if set off. And you NEED to stop the ritual. What do you do next?
I have taken each of the following actions in the past, in and out of game, and no matter how well I rolled, only the last one worked with any consistency.
Take The Hit
"Are you absolutely sure you want to do that?"-The DM
You order the party to back up and open the door yourself, tanking the trap if you fail to disarm it and hoping for the best as you come out the other side, opening the door for others to rush through. The self-sacrifice route is a noble one. No one but you gets hurt, so you're guilt-free. You can control the situation, and if it all goes wrong, you can take the hit. This form of self-flagellating altruism is my natural inclination in this situation, which is very un-bardic, I know. Yet, rarely has it turned out well as such a choice, as it takes away agency from all those in your party.
The choice to take the hit is one you make alone as you harden your heart for the comfort of others. While it can be the right choice in some situations, it doesn't have to be the default. Nor should it. There is only so much you can take on yourself, and only so much damage before the pain becomes too much. What do you do then? What happens if this trap is the one that breaks you?
Let Someone Else Open The Door, Alone
"How cold are you?"- The Warlock
Whether you do it through trickery, persuasion, or honesty, you allow one of your party members to deal with the trap as you scuttle over their body "for the greater good."
Are you okay with letting someone get hurt so you can succeed? There is no true strength in letting others handle your problems for you. Even in this case, you both face a problem, yet you are willing to let your companions face it alone. Thus, you succeed in your goals, while another is left to suffer the repercussions of the trap. In D&D, you should always be aiming to achieve victory together, and pushing another into a problem you discovered diminishes your role as an active participant in that success. Even if everything ends up okay, allowing another to take a hit without help can be little more than a pyrrhic victory.
Share The Burden
"We got this shit, together." - The Paladin
The wizard has telekinesis. The barbarian can throw you into the fray. The cleric can cure your wounds in the fight to come. Together the party can pull the trap from a distance, hurtling toward a shared destiny, bursting through, unharmed and in dramatic fashion, cutting off the BBEG's monologue and rolling initiative.
In TTRPGs and life, you should aim to rarely find yourself without support. Your party is the people you choose to surround yourself with, that's who can help you leverage success even if they aren't always in your sight or present. You never know what someone can do if you don't ask for help. You can't take on every battle alone, and sometimes you will find that an adventuring group is far stronger together than the simple sum of their parts.
Don't Let Wisdom Be A Dump Stat
You find yourself at a crossroads, each path leading to a different challenge. No matter which road you walk, there is danger and victory uncertainty. So, what do you do? Choose a path at random. This crossroads dilemma is one I face daily. No way has been easy, but finding which is the best for me, requires wisdom. A stat that, if I'm honest, I am still trying to train.
Many players in TTRPGs equate wisdom with the antithesis of intelligence. However, in truth, wisdom is just a different kind of intelligence. It's emotional intelligence, patience, and intuition. While knowledge of books, numbers, and engineering is necessary for our future and technology, it is nothing without the wisdom of what to do with such intelligence. So, how do we train wisdom?
"Do us all a favor and roll an insight check on yourself before you speak." - The Cleric
Snack On Some Mindfulness: Be present within yourself and with others, around the table, and everywhere else. Mindfulness is more than just keeping your thoughts from wandering; it's accepting your feelings, sharing them, and accepting the same from those around you.
Learn From Every Action: We can find a few wisdom points in studying the world and the people around us. Hear everyone out, as even the main antagonist in your story is a protagonist in theirs, and there is always a place for common ground, except with Fae. Never trust a Fae.
Roll Some Nat 1s: Nothing worth doing is easy, and with difficulty comes inevitable failure. As Jake The Dog from Adventure Time once said, "Sucking at something is the first step to being sorta good at something."
Let Others Cast A Heal: Emotional damage is just as dangerous and debilitating as any bodily injury. While even the lowest level spells can mend the flesh, there aren't any for healing a soul. But, through vulnerability and honesty, there is a certain kind of magic in trusting others. Every time I have gone down and been rolling literal death saves, it's been those I have given my heart who revived me time and again.
"Wizards cast arcane blizzards, clerics conjure the esoteric, rangers brave wild dangers, and fighters make great writers. But the best class that none can surpass, is one of very few, because they are the true you." -The Bard
